What to do When Relationships go Wrong

Updated: Aug 17, 2019

One area of life that I get asked about quite a lot is relationships, and this area of life can, at times be the most complicated to understand.

So I’m going to shed a little light on relationships today, and show you how when you come from a place of empowerment you can redress the balance somewhat and make positive headway and changes in your relationships without all the usual turmoil and struggle.

I just want to re-iterate that this is just the tip of the iceberg because relationships are a hugely complex subject and all relationships are very different, so the intent of the post is to give just a little food for thought.

When I’m talking about relationships here, I’m taking about the romantic kind, but you will see how this can be applied to most relationships, ie, friendships, family relationships, work colleague relationships and any other kind of relationship that you have.

The first thing to know is that relationships, are a mirror of how we feel, act and treat ourselves.

Take a moment to really think about that, because what you will find as you go through your own spiritual journey and delve into all aspects of your life is that everything… that is E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G starts with self.


Because we live in a universe that is energetic in nature and like energy attracts like results.

There is much truth in the phrase “Know Thyself”.. You may have heard it said, but not quite understood the meaning behind it.. But it’s so important, and you find out why as we go on …

From a soul perspective, relationships are the ideal way to learn life lessons because when we connect with someone on the heart level we open ourselves up and when we do this the lessons are learned at the core and most deepest level and this is also why when relationships end it can really hit hard, because on many levels you have been so open, energetically, emotionally, mentally and physically. So the wound feels deeper.

It’s often after many ‘wounds’ or relationships going wrong that people shut down, build walls and create barriers through fear of getting hurt again, and to some extent it’s completely understandable. However it’s also important to remember that by building the walls you are also shutting out potential joy.

It’s a fine balance..

But, I digress.. so let’s for today look at just one aspect of relationships and how they can sometimes go wrong, and it’s to do with ‘changing the other person’

When you meet someone you like them, you think they are perfect, and all is well… as time goes by their often little habits that you found endearing turn into situations that can create horrendous arguments, silent treatment for days and resentments..

So you say to yourself "if only they would change”

That small little sentence, is where it can all start to come undone and the relationship will quickly unravel, because here’s the thing, you can never change anyone else.

I'm going to say that again.. you can never change anyone else.

The only person you have any level of control over is yourself..

And here’s the other thing, relationships are mirrors… we can only dislike something in someone that we have ourselves. So, if there’s an element of behaviour with your partner that you are not liking, then be assured that you too also have that behaviour within you and at one time or another will exhibit it.

So, here’s were ‘Know Thyself’ comes in

You don’t like the behaviour of your partner, it’s causing arguments and rows and your thinking ‘who is this person that I used to love’ they’ve changed, they’re not the person I thought they were, and not only that they have categorically stated that they will not change just for you. They were like that when you met them and they are refusing to change..

Double whammy, and double ARRRGHHH

So what to do…

Look at the aspect of behaviour in yourself and set about changing it.. by doing this you change the whole dynamics of the situation, easily and relatively quickly. Why? Because you can change you, not the other person, and as life and relationships are just a mirror, you will see in your partner your new behaviour being mirrored back ..

Here’s a good example just to give you some clarity on this…

A client of mine many years ago spoke with me about a relationship she was in, the guy was great at first, attentive, always there, and the communication was great, he was always around, phone, txt and there was no issues or concerns.

However as time went on, and this was 8 months into the relationship things had got really bad. To the point were the relationships itself was in the balance.

We looked at the surface issues, ie non communication, she never knew when she would hear from him or see him, and then we dug a little deeper. We looked at what had changed with her.. We looked not at the reflection (him) but at the actual picture.. (her)..

We talked a little about how things were going, and how she communicated with herself about the relationship, as communication was the issue. And it became apparent that her communication had changed.

He’d not called her once when he said he was going to and she communicated to herself that the reason he hadn’t called was because “ He doesn’t care about me anymore”, “He’s got better things to do than call me”.. He’s not interested in me anymore”…


When we looked at all the things she had been saying, and then looked at the situation as it was now we could see that he was just reflecting back to her the thoughts she was having about him not calling her. The penny dropped and she also remembered that when she first met him she felt good about herself, and he being the ‘mirror’ also reflected that back to her.

So as you can see, ‘Know Thyself’ becomes pretty important, she knew what she was doing and saying to herself and she could also now see how this would be impacting her relationships with those around her..

So we changed it.

We started with self, with how she felt about herself, we set some great self care routines in place and changed the inner self talk. She stopped focusing on his behaviour and started focusing on hers, and she shifted it.

And shift things she did… within 3 months, their relationship was back on track, he ‘wanted’ to call her because instead of her saying why didn’t you call me an hour ago when you said you would, she was happy whether he called or not because she was happy in herself.. it brought them closer together.

And so it is for many relationships that start the downward slide, and it’s all about remembering, you can NEVER change the reflection you can only ever change yourself.

My challenge to you this week - What relationships in your life could do with a little spring cleaning.

What is it about your partner, friend, work colleague that you don’t like? Think about it, write it down, and then look within for how you are attracting that situation and causing it to happen in your life by how you are being .. what can you change?

Till next time...

H x

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